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From: Peter
Date: 02 Nov 2003
Time: 21:29:15 -0000
Remote Name: 82.36.156.71
I really like this poem, Shuma. Because of that, I want you to work on it and make it even better. I have copied it onto the web page. Have a look at it there, and check I have got the lines right. Then, see if you can improve anything about it. My questions are...would it be good to keep up the rhyming all through the poem, or think a little about how the last few lines flow, compared with the beginning? The ending...I think is nearly wonderful...life is like that, but your name is 'this', can you make something even more out of that? Do you need 'at the end of the day'?